GREY MUTTER: We can sit here and allow the darkness of society to crowd in on us all the time, or perhaps we can – now and again – just do something silly, ridiculous or even funny, writes Lance Fredericks.
SEEMS like these days you cannot turn, blink nor even inhale without being exposed to bad news in some or other shape or form.
Pick up a newspaper – and here I need to be careful, because newspapers are my bread and peanut butter – and headlines of man’s inhumanity to man assail you. I pity journalists. Honestly, if people were nicer to each other, the news would be so much more pleasant and uplifting to write.
Even when watching that snippet of ‘good news’ during a televised news bulletin, you have that dreaded band running at the bottom of the screen proclaiming earthquake, flood, war, chaos and other mayhem.
Then, when we stop by to visit our friends or connect on social media, what do we do? We talk about all the darkness that’s enveloping the world, and we part company darker than before.
Reminds me of ‘The Nothing’ that was consuming Fantasia in the 1980s movie The NeverEnding Story.
When I was growing up, I remember the social gatherings that the adults attended. I can still in my imagination see smoke-filled rooms, smell a variety of ‘social beverages’ and hear the uninhibited, throaty laughter that exploded from the little assembly at regular, and pretty short, intervals. Back then, laughter was contagious.
These days, social gatherings are like a melancholy Country and Western song. Something like … “My gurl, Suzanna, she left me. She took my dawg Buck. Put a scratch on my truck, and left me with nothing, but Missy the cat. Buck loves cat food, he’s always been rude, but dawg food makes Missy a brat!”
That’s from the Country song I just wrote called: “I have picked up more scratches than my pick-up truck, Suzanna”.
But who can really blame us for being miserable? Hijackings, robbery, murder, violence in all its shapes and forms is in our face constantly. And what fills your screen will be on your mind.
Just last week I read about a kidnapping – yes, more bad news!
Now, usually, kidnappers target young people and demand a ransom from their parents, but in this case the kidnap victim was old. Very, very old
Here’s how it happened; Police in Sioux Falls, South Dakota in the US were called out last week after a security officer spotted three people carrying the victim away from their residence just after midnight.
Fortunately, surveillance video in the area then helped police officers track the victim to a nearby apartment. Police knocked, and when the door was opened, detectives found three suspects aged 18, 19 and one even younger … and there, in the middle of the room, in plain sight was the victim.
The victim, as I said, was old – even beyond ancient, roughly 72 million years old. It was a statue of a velociraptor that had been part of a display outside an arts and science centre.
What the kidnappers planned to do with their victim is beyond me. But I can imagine more than one incriminating selfie making its way to Instagram, and some pretty entertaining video clips.
Now, if you think that YOU have problems … Imagine trying to explain to the other inmates in the penitentiary that you’re in jail for velociraptor abduction!
But young people are weirdos anyway. I know because I was one, and therefore I am speaking from experience. In fact I have some friends that I hung out with, who today are well-adjusted adults. We keep each other happy these days, because if secrets leak out, people will not take any of us seriously anymore.
They’re both fathers, so that made me wonder – seeing as Father’s Day had just come and gone – what are the weirdest gifts a child could get for their fathers. I didn’t have to look far; there’s a company that sells Instant Zombie Repellent. Yes, apparently it’s “an apocalyptically minty mouth spray”. The slogan asks, “Wouldn’t it be nice to just go for a stroll without having to look over your shoulder? Or step over what’s left of it?”
I mean what father wouldn’t love that? And what youngster wouldn’t love to see their Dad’s face when he removed the wrapping from his gift?
And for Mom? Let’s keep the theme consistent … Imagine giving Mom a keychain for Mother’s Day. A keychain with the message: “MOMBIE: An overworked, underslept supermom who is fuelled by coffee, hugs, leftover morsels of food from her children’s plates, and wine … lots of wine!”
If you decided to get Mom that gift, you may have to consider a back-up gift for reasons of appeasement, like a candle in a jar with a label that reads: “Mom’s last nerve: Oh look, it’s on fire!”
And on the subject of stepping out on thin ice, have you heard? A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is that we can sit around and allow the darkness of society to crowd in on us all the time, or perhaps we can – now and again – just do something silly, ridiculous and funny.
Benjamin Franklin explains why. He said, “Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”
