GREYMUTTER: Already from the end of October, our neighbourhood chat group has come alive with reports of frequent break-ins, writes Lance Fredericks.
PARDON me for repeating myself, but I am still trying to process the fact that Festive trimmings have already made an appearance in store windows, and are increasing in density and variety as the days move along.
You don’t have to be a modern-day Nostradamus to know that Boney M, Mariah Carey and even Bing Crosby (among others) are going to be ‘vocalling’ shoppers into a spending frenzy again very soon … pasop!
By the way, just this past week I was at a stationery store and I actually saw a woman buying Back to School supplies for her child’s 2025 school year. That’s for those of us who have not noticed how time is flying.
All I could think, as I noted the price of the stationery items in the store, was, “Eish, it’s going to be a droë Christmas in THAT household!”
However, relax. If you think that it’s only now that time seems to be zipping along, my maternal grandmother was aware of this trend many years back. Now, she was a very wise woman with a sharp wit and a bone-dry sense of humour. This means that many of us never really caught on when she was pulling our legs.
One of her classics was when we’d be driving through the city – at any time of the year, it could even be in March – and she’d notice a house being spruced up.
“Hmm,” she’d remark almost to herself, but just loud enough for everyone else to hear, “Mens kan sien dis Krismis. Die mense ‘marella’ hulle huise!” (Hmm, a person can see that it’s Christmas. The people are whitewashing their homes!) … and she’d say it every time and so often that our family adopted that tradition.
We do the same nowadays, noticing how people are preparing for Christmas at all times of the year!
Sadly, those days of beautifying homes are passing us by. I do not mean that people these days are NOT preparing their homes for the holidays. What I am suggesting is that these days the focus is not so much on beautifying, but on securing their properties.
I cannot believe, when I drive around in Kimberley, that there are so many high walls, spiked barriers, security lights and CCTV cameras on display. Kimberley’s new Christmas lights, it seems are 100 Watt, 10,000 lumen spotlights that will, hopefully, deter nocturnal prowlers.
Already from the end of October, our neighbourhood chat group has come alive with reports of frequent break-ins. And this is just one suburb out of around 60 in our city. I wonder how many of these types of notifications go off daily in this small city alone.
So here’s a home security tip: If a burglar breaks into your house, don’t fight back. Just shine the red laser dot on his forehead, and the cats will do the rest.
And what if you don’t own cats? Well, then you have to be sure that you are not naughty, but nice this upcoming holiday season.
Here’s why: I heard a story once about a burglar who broke into a home and tied up the couple while he ransacked the house.
As he was about to leave, the man called him over desperately.
“Please untie her, please, let her go,” he pleaded with the home invader.
“No, I’m not untying either of you so that the authorities get notified as late as possible,” the robber replies. “But don’t worry, the neighbourhood watch will soon wonder why your lights are still on throughout the night and check in on you, and I will be long gone by then.”
But the homeowner continues to plead, “Please, just untie her, I’ll do anything!”
The burglar repeats. “I need to get away with this crime, I’m sorry, I can’t leave anything to chance.”
The man, weeping by now, pleads, “I’m begging you, just let her go, she won’t call the cops, I promise!”
The burglar, impressed and touched by the man’s compassion says, “Wow, You must really love your wife to beg me to untie her so desperately.”
“No,” The man replies, in a state of frenzy. “My wife will be home in 15 minutes.”
