OPINION: The word “But” has been stunned to find itself appearing in an increasing number of sentences that begin “The killing of children is never acceptable … ”, writes columnist Alexandra Petri.
By Alexandra Petri
INTERNET – The word “But” has been stunned to find itself appearing in an increasing number of sentences that begin “The killing of children is never acceptable … ”
After finding itself in yet another Instagram comment, preceded by the phrases “I am devastated to read about the loss of life” and “I deplore the killing of civilians, especially children,” the word “But” described itself as “horrified” to be included. Although it did not specify what sentiment came after it — possibilities included the phrases “should have had different parents,” and a reference to making omelets and breaking eggs — “But” took to social media to beseech other posters to avoid making this mistake.
The co-ordinating conjunction begged that those phrases be added to the list of sentences in which it would not appear under any circumstances, a list that already includes: “You never have to compliment Stalin for any reason”; “I don’t want to suggest that slavery wasn’t an unmitigated evil”; and “Genocide is always bad.” The words “Nevertheless,” “Still” and “However” jointly concurred in “But’s” statement, though “Nevertheless” looked visibly tired and strained.
“‘I am against the killing of children, regardless of who their parents are or where they live,’ is a set of words that never should be accompanied by any of us,” their statement read. “If you notice that you are putting us in, please, we beg you, reconsider.”
“But” also asked to be left out of sentences that start with “Of course, I condemn the deaths of innocent civilians,” and, especially, “I object to war crimes.”
“‘I believe in the inherent dignity of human life’ is a sentence that is getting along just fine without me,” “But” observed, a sentiment with which “Nevertheless” said it concurred “a thousand times.”
In a separate statement, the noun “Collateral Damage” and the adjective “Inevitable” asked to stop being forced to appear together.
“But” concluded its statement by saying it would return to anxiously watching someone compose a post that began “There is no excuse for anti-Semitism” and praying not to be called into service.
* Alexandra Petri is a Washington Post columnist offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.
** The views expressed here are not necessarily those of the DFA.
– THE WASHINGTON POST