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Religious festivals spawn deranged idiots

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Religions produce many mysteries that are beyond the comprehension of non-believers

Shake-up your Easter with a few non-traditional sweet treats.

WHAT is it about religious festivals that turns normally sane people into deranged idiots?

Christmas is bad enough, with its solar-powered electric reindeer, plastic holly and aerosol snow in a spray can (in the middle of an African summer, for goodness sake!). Now we have headline news stories saying that “bunny sanctuaries” are experiencing an overload of abandoned rabbits.

I had no idea bunny sanctuaries even existed.

It seems people with more money than sense find it appropriate to celebrate Easter by buying live rabbits and giving them to children.

This is apparently meant to be related in some way to the very holy Christian festival of Easter.

I have even seen advertisements offering bunny-ear caps for your cat. And I assume there must be people out there who will actually buy them and put them on to their horrified cats, allowing them to look like long-tailed rabbits for just long enough to pose for a photograph to send to cousin Judy in America.

In other publications there are photographs of rabbits and day-old chickens that have been dyed pink to celebrate the religious festival.

Has the human race finally lost its collective marbles?

All these ridiculous Easter gimcracks are, of course, manufactured in China (what isn’t?).

I imagine there are many Chinese factory workers wondering what on earth they’re actually producing.

“Honourable Wu Ling, why are we making two million sets of false rabbit ears for cats in the Year of the Pig?”

“It is not for us to understand the ways of the inscrutable West, honourable Ping Lo.

“As long as their religion requires false ears for cats we will continue to supply them.

“Religions create many fantastic beasts.

“Over the years we have seen crocodile-headed gods along the Nile River and elephant-headed gods on the banks of the sacred Ganges.

“We should hardly raise an eyebrow at the thought of a long-tailed rabbit or a rabbit-eared cat.”

The fact that this mystical rabbit lays eggs should also come as no surprise.

Religions produce many mysteries that are beyond the comprehension of non-believers.

I would not be surprised to learn that Chinese engineers are hard at work producing prototype drones in the shape of flying broomsticks. They should be on the supermarket shelves in time for Halloween.

Watch the newspapers for reports of the first airliner to be grounded after a witch strike.

In the meantime, please take note that pink dye is just as embarrassing to a rabbit as false ears are to a cat. Please don’t do it.

Last Laugh

A sweet little old lady was astonished when her cat produced a litter of kittens.

“I can’t understand how it could have happened,” she said to the vet.

“She never leaves the flat and has no contact with any male cats. Her kittens are a complete mystery to me.”

The vet pointed to a large tom-cat stretched out on the sofa.

“What about him?” he asked.

“Oh, don’t be silly,” said the lady. “That’s her brother.”