The complaint tablet to merchant Ea-nasir was written in 1750 BC from a customer named Nanni and is considered to be the oldest known written complaint.
A WHILE ago, I had the pleasure of bumping into (not literally) an old friend that I had not seen in ages.
“Wow! Good to see you,” he said. “How long has it been? I only see you in the paper every week … so at least I know you’re doing alright. Judging from what you write, you seem to be unhappy, dissatisfied, but alright,” he chuckled.
Then he added: “I must say, for someone who doesn’t speak much in company you write very long opinion pieces. A whole page full,” he teased.
“Well, my secret is that I love to gripe,” I joked. “And in this country, there’s a LOT to complain about.”
Isn’t that true though? More and more we seem to be complaining about this, that, the other, and everything else these days. As a matter of fact, I popped in for a routine check-up with my doctor recently, and as he went through the examination process we were complaining to each other about the state of things in our city, the country and indeed, the world at large.
By the time we had exhausted our respective stores of grievances he said to me, “Well, there we’ve been complaining for almost 20 minutes and there’s still load shedding, water cuts, potholes and cable theft. We have done nothing to remedy the situation.”
Perhaps we are using complaints the way we used to be able to use comedy in the past – to blow off some steam. However, these days, depending on the audience, if your comedy is perceived as offensive you could get into some real trouble, or at the very least be ‘cancelled’.
Comedy is not really my forté though. I am terrible at delivering jokes. I either mess up the timing, forget the punchlines, or find other creative ways of botching a joke. That’s why I rather just say stupid things with a goofy look on my face and hope it passes for humour.
And with that in mind, hoping to write a more charming, funny and pleasant piece, I did some digging. And my heart was thrilled when I found the funniest joke of 2002. Unfortunately, I was unable to find this year’s rib-tickler.
The world’s funniest joke unveiled by scientists in October 2002, following the largest study of humour ever undertaken, was part of an experiment called ‘LaughLab’. It was conducted by the University of Hertfordshire and attracted more than 40,000 submissions and close to 2 million votes.
The joke which received the highest global ratings – because “funny” varies from region to region and it’s hard to find a proper universal joke – was submitted by a young psychiatrist based in Manchester; Gurpal Gosall.
Dr Gosall tells of two hunters who are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. His companion whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services.
Flustered, and almost panic-stricken, he almost screams at the person on the other end of the line: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator responds: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s actually dead.”
There is a period of silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the worried hunter says: “OK, now what?”
If you’re unimpressed, maybe that will explain why I am more impressed with complaints. That joke is only 20 years old. Do you know how old the oldest recorded complaint is? Almost 4,000 years! Now that’s longevity!
It’s true!
As it turns out, ‘the complaint tablet’ to merchant Ea-nasir was written in 1750 BC. The tablet from a customer named Nanni is considered to be the oldest known written complaint and is on display in the British Museum in London.
The story goes that Ea-nasir used to travel to Dilmun to buy copper to sell in Mesopotamia. On one of these trade ventures, he had agreed to sell copper ingots to Nanni who dispatched his servant to Ea-nasir with the money to close the deal. On the servant’s return, Nanni inspected the copper and found it to be substandard and would not accept the ingots.
Instead, Nanni created the cuneiform letter for delivery to Ea-nasir. Inscribed into the clay is a complaint about how the copper delivered was of the incorrect grade, and included details of issues with another delivery; Nanni also complained that his servant had been treated rudely.
He stated that, at the time of writing, he had not accepted the copper, but had paid the money for it.
See? People have been demanding value for money and exposing reprobates for millennia!
Oh, by the way, if you’re wondering whether Ea-nasir was really a good-for-nothing or just misunderstood, other tablets have been found in the ruins believed to be his place of business. One of these was written by a man named Arbituram complaining that he hadn’t yet received his consignment of copper, and one by another disgruntled client who said he was sick of getting copper of inferior quality from Ea-nasir.
Ea-nasir must have been a bit of a swindler. But the good news is that now, almost 4,000 years on, there is a record of his skulduggery etched in stone. I wouldn’t be surprised if that fink – or someone like him – is behind the burgeoning stolen copper cable trade these days!
I found it quite amusing to ponder, 4,000 years from now, when archaeologists dig up fossilised copies of the DFA, who will then be labelled as the scoundrel of millenia alongside that rogue Ea-nasir?
