Anal sex is an enjoyable thing when approached correctly in the bedroom. Guest columnist Gareth Johnstone has a few tips.
Anal sex is not something you want to talk about, but there’s going to come a time in your sex life it will become a reality.
Sadly, whenever anal sex is discussed it’s often assumed that it’s only something that gay men do, and only adventurous straight men try.
Another common misconception about anal sex is that it’s a sexual position and act that’s painful, not very intimate and a bit deviant. Oral sex has even trumped anal sex when it comes to “acceptable” sexual acts and is seen as part of foreplay before getting into penetrative sex.
As a gay man, who is always open and honest about my sexual experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly, it didn’t really shock me when one day a colleague asked me for advice on anal sex. It was quite telling though that she came creeping to my desk in an open plan office and then whispered to me: “Can I ask you something” because it was a clear indication that she considered anal sex a bit taboo.
I didn’t expect her to be screaming it from the roof tops, but her attitude set the tone for the conversation and the advice I gave her. Her boyfriend had asked her if anal sex was something she’d considered and her first thought was to wonder about his sexuality, and once reassured that her boyfriend isn’t gay (something she deduced on her own) she then started seriously considering anal penetration.
I offered her my advice, which I think others might also find useful.
Make sure that you’re in a familiar setting when embarking on your first anal sex encounter. You want to be relaxed both mentally and physically and your surroundings have a big role to play. You also don’t want to be stressing about the small stuff like time so make sure you’ve cleared your diary and you’re fully committed to the new sexual experience.
Keep it clean and moist
The reality is that your anus is not the prettiest part of your body, so make sure you’ve had a shower, and you’re neat and tidy down there. It’s also an area that needs all the moisture it can get so make sure you have a good quality lubricant close by. It’s best to lube up both the anus and the penis because both are going to be needed to be kept moist.
Take it easy
There should be no reason to rush your first anal sex encounter. Take it slow and at a pace that is comfortable for both of you. My advice to my colleague was to also try and banish all those images you’ve seen of anal sex in porn videos, because that is not something to aspire to or use as a benchmark. If all you can muster on your first attempt is a few slow and easy thrusts then consider it a great first time and try again when you next have the desire to.
Position, Position, Position
Doggie style is the most common go to sexual position for anal sex but it’s the most painful one for first timers. It’s not the only position that works though. It’s a bit more comfortable if you’re on the spooning position with each one of you lying on your sides, because that way it also doesn’t feel like one person is dominating the other – both of you have control. Be open to changing positions and wriggling around a bit to find the position that gives you maximum pleasure. It’s also a misconception that two people can’t be facing each other (and kissing) when having anal sex, it has been done and it can be done.
There are no rules
With something as intimate as anal sex there really are no rules. If it doesn’t work for you tonight and gives you no satisfaction, you can forget about it and move on. If it’s something you really want to do then practice makes perfect and each time it will get easier and more pleasurable. Just remember that it can be a great addition to your sex life if you don’t overthink it, but it can also be painful for some people. There are no rules and you need to allow for that for both yourself and your partner.
Anal sex is an enjoyable thing when approached correctly in the bedroom. It’s not the most romantic sexual experience in the beginning but if you want to spice up your sex life then anal sex should be on your to-do-list.